Tuesday, April 14, 2009

One's Emptiness Is Another's Fullness

I haven't been in the most positive mood lately and I've been concerned that my writing has become negative. I was even tempted to stop writing until I was in a better frame of mine. Today, however, I received an email from a long time reader telling me that yesterday's blog, "Empty Glass" was one of the best things I have ever written. This reminds me that I cannot judge the value of anything I write. It also reminds me that one of the things people seem to like about my writing is its honesty. I am nothing special. I am a mere mortal who has good days and bad days. I have a sensitive nature which is both a gift and a curse. It is a gift when I am able to appreciate the beauty in my life and in my world. It is a gift when I am able to recognize and appreciate those perfect Zen moments that sometimes sneak up and surprise me. However, my sensitive nature is also a curse when I am overly sensitive to life's little slights, hurts and misunderstandings. I have sometimes referred to myself as a romantic. This doesn't mean I am every woman's dream. What it means to me is that my life is often a pendulum between agony and ecstasy. Sometimes I can feel a total oneness with the universe and get lost in a sunset. Other times I feel completely lost and in the darkness. This is how I feel right now. One of the negative aspects of my personality is a tendency towards cynicism. It is not unusual for me to sometimes think, "What difference does anything make? Does anything really matter"? Other times I wonder if other people even think about me without me thinking of them first. I jokingly told a friend yesterday that one of God's jokes on me was to make me an optimistic cynic. I always believe life will get better even when it doesn't. I always believe I make a difference even when I don't. I always believe I am loved even when I don't feel loved. This optimism may be the fuel that keeps me going from day to day. If you know me and are concerned about me, you can relax. Deep peace and oneness with the universe, stumbling along the spiritual path, being lost in darkness, seeing the light, agony and ecstasy, are all part of the ebb and flow of my life. You can't have the joy without the pain. I wouldn't have it any other way.

1 comment:

Steve T. said...

It's good you "wouldn't have it any other way." The EST training used to teach "Chose what is." U B Wise. ;-)