The Zen Of Ordinary Days

Let me start with a couple of quotes from the famous Zen Master, D.T. Suzuki, who was a big influence on Thomas Merton's understanding of Zen.

"The truth of Zen, just a little bit of it, is what turns one's hum drum life, a life of monotonous, uninspiring commonplaceness, into one of art, full of genuine inner creativity".

"Life, according to Zen, ought to be lived as a bird flies through the air or as a fish swims in the water".

These days my life is flowing rather gently although there is some increased activity due to the upcoming holiday season and some mysterious rumblings in the air at my workplace. Most of my days are filled with routine, the daily chores of living, the occasional boredom of work, and the never ending longing for rest and freedom that is occasionally satisfied with a weekend or a good nap. It would be difficult on any level to think of my life as exciting or artistic, full of "genuine inner creativity". Some kind souls may think of my writing as creative but for me it is just a way to process my thoughts and feelings with the hope that maybe it also helps others to do the same with their own thoughts and feelings. My understanding of Zen has always been a rather simple one. When asked, I reply, "Zen is doing what you are doing and being where you are". When I do this successfully my life is "lived as a bird flies through the air or as a fish swims in the water". When I am present to what I am doing and I am where I am, then my life seems to flow, and, if not artistic, it at least has a natural beauty. When birds fly, they don't think about flying. When fish swim, they don't think about swimming. When you are doing what you are doing, you're not thinking about what you are doing. When you are where you are, you're not thinking about where you are. Zen is not about thinking. Zen is not about doing. Zen is being. Zen is about "flow". Flow is the sensation of being lost in space and time. In a sense, Zen and "flow" are being so aware that you're not even aware that you're aware. There's nothing ordinary about that!

Remembering Dad

Tonight I attended a memorial mass at the church where I grew up as a child and where my father's funeral mass was held on Valentine's Day of this year. On November 2nd of every year the Catholic Church celebrates what is called All Souls Day. It's a day where all those who have died are remembered. Tonight was especially dedicated to all those who have died in the last year. My mother, most of my siblings, some of my nieces, and a brother in law and sister in law were also there tonight. It was good to remember Dad in a special way. Thinking of Dad and looking around at members of my extended family reminded me how lucky I am to be part of such a good family. I am equally blessed on my wife's side of the family. The picture above was taken during the last year of my Dad's life. Along with Dad are my brother, Bob, and sister, Carolyn. In addition to them I have two more brothers and one more sister. I am the oldest sibling. Dad, I hope all is well and that you are looking out for all of us.

Who Is The "I" in "Me"?

When I use the pronoun "I", who is the "I" that I am referring to? The person that is "me" is just one example of a human being and the older I get the more I am amazed at all the subtle and not so subtle forces that form and shape me into the "me" that is represented when I refer to myself using the pronoun "I". I began thinking about this today after reading a selection from Thomas Merton's "The Inner Experience". Over the years I have learned much about the characteristics that make up my personality. The Myers-Briggs (MBTI) taught me that I am an introverted, intuitive, feeling, perceiver. The Enneagram taught me that I am a Sexual Nine with a One wing. My personality, like all personalities, certainly has its strengths and gifts. I am not blind to my own goodness. Equally true, however, is that my personality has a shadow side that is less charming to many and often annoying to me. I love order and hate chaos. In general, I think there is a right way and a wrong way to do most things. I am a perfectionist and I drive myself crazy with my obsessive need for order, perfection, and completeness. Along with this I think I am also a little obsessive/ compulsive. I am a creature of habit and routine and I don't like to change the ways I do certain things or the order in which I do them. If perfectionism and OCD are not enough, I think I also have some level of Attention Deficit Disorder. Going from Point A to Point B can be a journey of a thousand miles for me. Why? It is because I am easily distracted. I often struggle with being focused, especially when I have little interest in what I am doing. On the other hand, when I am really into what I am doing, I can be what one person called "hyper-focused". Some psychologists also call this "flow". So, who is the "me" that I am referencing when I use the pronoun "I" ? I am a collection of good and bad tendencies with strengths and weaknesses. I can be a highly functioning individual but I can also easily slip into totally dysfunctional behavior. I have a loving heart and a gentle soul but I can occasionally be a completely annoying person. The good news is that most of the time, and the older I get, the best of me is what people usually see even if I am not consciously try to display it. The best of who all of us are will usually burst forth and those around us will usually accept our imperfections as a small price to pay for what is good.

Another Sunday Night

Another Sunday night, and a new month, has rolled around. It's been an enjoyable weekend. Saturday began as an overcast and cold day. In the afternoon, however, the sun came out and it turned into a glorious autumn day. Soon after the sun set the trick or treaters started arriving. There were not a lot of them. I live in an older neighborhood with mostly older people so there are not a lot of young children living around me. More and more will eventually move into the neighborhood and there will be yet another renewal and rebirth. One young child, dressed as a Ladybug, did show up at my house and she was still here this morning. It was my dearly loved granddaughter, Chloe, who brings much joy to my life. I discovered during her visit that she had recently seen the classic "Wizard of Oz" movie and she loved it. After we went to bed, during our usual bedtime conversation, I had her cracking up with my imitations of the various characters. Chloe especially liked my imitations of the Scarecrow and the Tin Man. After she left today I went to the bookstore and bought a DVD of the movie so we can watch it together during her next visit. While at the book store I was seduced by the CD cover and concept behind the new CD by Sting. It's called "If On A Winter's Night..." It's not exactly a Christmas CD. According to the liner notes, it's "Inspired by Sting's favorite season. It's a collection of lullabies, carols, and other songs that celebrate the many facets of winter". It's very good and relaxing. It plays in the background as I write these notes. After my wife and I took Chloe home, and shopped at the bookstore, we had a quiet and relaxing afternoon. After dinner at a local deli, we are back home to enjoy the rest of our day before beginning a new work week. Tomorrow will be a busy day for me. I am going to the University of Louisville for a luncheon and a talk. After I finish my workday I am attending a memorial mass for my Dad tomorrow night. In a few months he will already be gone a year. A year ago this week I began a difficult November with a trip to the hospital due to a staph infection that coincided with the hospitalization and subsequent death of my wife's mother. Those were difficult and sad days but now times are much happier and life is very good.

Chloe's Halloween Costume

Breaking Down The Walls

If I break down the walls, I will be surrounded by the garden.
If I break the levee, water will inundate me.
Meditation is not to be separated from life.

Today's Tao commentary says "Do we continue to meditate once we come to this understanding? We still do but it is no longer a solitary and isolated activity. It is part of life, as natural as breathing. When you can bring yourself to the understanding that there is no difference between you and Tao and that there is no difference between meditation and ordinary activities, then you are well on your way to being one with Tao".

When I was typing the above commentary I had something of a Freudian slip. Originally I typed "Do we continue to medicate once we come to this understanding"? Many of us spend much of our lives medicating ourselves one way or another from the pain and difficulties of life. We do this in many ways. Some do it with drugs and alcohol. Others do it through a non stop frenzy to accumulate more stuff. We are always trying to find ways to avoid some aspects of reality. Certainly some parts of reality are painful for everyone and I know some people have more than their fair share of pain. Most of us, however, if we break down the walls we have built, will discover that we are surrounded by a garden. Having said all this, I know today's Tao reading is not really about this. These thoughts just occurred to me when I made the Freudian slip and used "medicate" instead of "meditate".

Today's Tao reading is really about breaking down the wall between spirituality and life. It's about living a non dualistic life. Most people think of their spiritual life as separate from the rest of their life. Spirituality for many is simply the prayers they say, the church services they attend, or other spiritual practices and disciplines they may have incorporated into our lives. All of these are certainly good things and I encourage them. However, I like what Thomas Merton wrote in his article entitled "Day of a Stranger". Highly regarded as a Spiritual Master, he wrote, "How I pray is breathe, what I wear is pants". In other words his prayer and "spiritual" life were becoming indistinguishable from his normal day to day life after he left the structured environment of the monastery and he began living alone in his hermitage. At some point our spiritual practices should become more than things we do. They should become things we are. Our spirituality, like the water that flows over a broken levee, should inundate our lives to the point where it can no longer be distinguished from the rest of our lives. The sacred and the secular become one.

Chloe Carves Her Pumpkin

A Walk In The Park

Autumn is my favorite time of the year. The days are so beautiful now that I find myself going outside several times a day while at work. Behind my office building is a small park the size of a city block. When I first started working in my current building this park was the site of an abandoned warehouse. At some point it was imploded and my employer had the vision to turn the site into a park. It's a great blessing to my co-workers and me. Depending on the weather I like to go out there on my breaks and lunches. I usually walk a couple of laps and then sit on one of the stone benches that were made from parts of the old warehouse. If it is a cool day I sit in the sun and absorb its warmth. If it is a hot day I sit in the cool of a shady spot. When I am walking it clears the cobwebs from my mind and loosens the stiff muscles in my aging body. Quietly sitting on one of the benches I sometimes pray. Usually it is a prayer of gratitude for all that is good in my life. My prayers are usually thanksgiving and gratitude and rarely petition unless someone has requested my prayers. So sometimes I sit and pray, other times I just sit. Across the street from my little park is a place called the Great Lawn. It is a large open space where occasionally there are large gatherings of people. The largest gathering is usually the annual Derby event called "Thunder Over Louisville". Supposedly it is the largest fireworks show in America. My best memory of the Great Lawn, however, is from a very hot 4th of July where I sat in my lawn chair with thousands of other people for a free concert by Koko Taylor and Joe Cocker. At the edge of the Great Lawn is the mighty Ohio River. Sometimes I sit on a bench along the waterfront and I watch the barges going up and down the river. Somewhere near this spot they have recently dedicated a new statue of Abraham Lincoln created by a local artist. I may go find it soon. The point of all this is to say that sometimes it is a good thing to get away from the demands and worries of life and go outside for a simple walk. It doesn't have to be a death march through a mountain pass. It can be simple stroll through a city park or a quiet moment on a bench by the river. Sometimes we all need to get away for a moment of refreshment and a breath of fresh air. Solitude is healing. Sometimes the rest of the world needs to function without us for a little while.

Sometimes All A Person Needs Is A Little Perspective

A friend and co-worker recently loaned me a book titled "The Noticer" by Andy Andrews. I have been reading it over the weekend and enjoying it very much. Although I am by nature a very introspective person, even I do not always have perspective about my own life. This book has given me much to think about and I have more than half the book to go. Here's a few highlights so far.

Four Ways of Showing and Needing Love

1. Spoken Words of Approval
2. Favors and Deeds
3. Physical Contact
4. Quality Time

The book goes on to say that the way we show love is usually the way we need love expressed to us in order for us to feel loved. If love in your life is expressed in every way but the way you need it, the chances are that you will not feel loved. If all you do to show love is favors and deeds for someone who needs physical contact, your overtures of love are not likely hitting home. If all you do is say "I love you" but you never spend quality time with someone that craves your presence, the "I love you's" are falling on deaf ears.

The book also talks about fear and worry. Some people spend all of their time and energy worrying and being afraid. In the story one of the characters says the following. In my life I have found this to be true.

• 40% of the things you worry about will never happen.
• 30% of the things you worry about have already happened. It's pointless to continue worrying about them.
• 12% of our worrying is needless imaginings about our health. Every ache and pain is not an indication of cancer.
• 10% of our worrying is about what other people think and we have no control about what other people think.
• 8% of our worries are for legitimate concerns and most of these can actually be dealt with. If we eliminate the unnecessary worry in our lives we can channel that energy towards the legitimate concerns of our lives.

The chapter on fear and worry ends with the recommendation that each day when we wake up we should write down all the things we are grateful for in our life. These don't have to be big things. It can be as simple as being grateful for a warm bed, morning coffee, a beautiful sunrise, or mostly green lights on the commute to work. Everyday we should practice gratitude and focus our minds on all the good things in our lives and quit worrying so much about things that we most likely never happen. It's all about perspective.

Chloe Visits The Great Pumpkin Patch

Tranquil As The Buddha

It is high noon on a peaceful Saturday. There is no sun in sight. The day is overcast and cool. The leaves in my neighborhood are beautiful. When a gust of wind blows through the trees some lose their grasp and they float around on pillows of wind until they finally hit the ground. It's the kind of day when I love to be home with little to do except enjoy the moment. Although I not sitting in the Lotus position, I am tranquil as the Buddha today. The washing machine is humming, the oven is baking, music is playing, and I have a stack of books on my table. My whole day is open and free although I will likely venture out this evening for dinner with my wife and son. Although I am being somewhat active and I am doing a few things, I also feel still and in the moment. My life is not as busy as many other people's lives but I still often feel as though I am doing and doing and running and running. Doing and running are not necessarily bad. Both are part of modern life. However, most of the running and doing in my life seems to be imposed on me by others. The lack of personal freedom and control over my own life sometimes bothers me. That's why days like today are so wonderful. Yes, I am doing my son's laundry and my cooking is for the family but I am choosing to do these things. I prefer my activity to come from a stance of giving rather than as a response to demands. Today everything is in it's proper and preferred alignment. I have solitude, tranquility, being, doing from the heart, and true rest.