You wouldn't worry so much what other people thought of you if you knew how little other people thought of you.
One of the things I realized at the funeral home visitation for my mother is how few close friends I really have. Only one person from my former employer came to the funeral home. Several others who are long time friends stopped by and another who could not personally be there asked family members to stop by on their behalf. I know many, many people but have few intimate friends. This is largely my own fault as I am a very introverted and withdrawn person. People seem to like me but I admit that I am not very outgoing. Nearly five years after his death I still feel the loss of my friend Dennis. When he was still alive we were very close and I had hoped that someday we would be retired together. Three weeks into my own retirement I feel like I have fallen off the face of the earth. This is not all bad. I am truly loving my new lifestyle, especially my quiet mornings at home. The neighborhood where I live is virtually empty of people during the daytime. All I see is the occasional UPS or FedEx truck making a delivery. If I am paying attention I might see the mailman walk past my window. Even when I went to a public park on Monday it was virtually empty of people.
Am I lonely? Not really. Do I feel forgotten? A little. Over the many years I worked I was mostly in leadership positions. People seemed to love me to the point that many acted like they couldn't work if I wasn't their boss. When I announced my retirement some people seemed genuinely sad and a few others were stressed. However, I learned over the years that people quickly get over you and they move on with their lives. There is life for most people even if Michael Brown is not in it.
I will need to work on being more outgoing and engaged with life. This morning I signed up for a meditation class at the local Passionist Earth and Spirit Center. Last year I attended an all day Enneagram workshop there and enjoyed it very much.
Like Bilbo Baggins I am off on an adventure. To have an adventure you must first leave your house.
The picture shown above of Gandalf and Bilbo Baggins hangs in my room at home where I spend most of my time and where these thoughts originate.
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