Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Expressing Feelings

My granddaughter Chloe came over this weekend. In my mind Chloe is the purest being in the universe. She hadn't spent the night for a while so I was happy to have her over for a visit. From a pure energy point of view, Pa Paw is better able to deal with a visit on the weekends as opposed to a work night. In many ways she is much easier to deal with now that she's a little older. Of course, she's also a very busy and inquisitive little girl whose energy level runs circles around mine. One of the things I enjoy best is getting up with her in the morning. She wakes up very peacefully and quietly says "Pa Paw, are you awake"? We usually lie in bed and talk for a while before getting up. When we go downstairs and into the kitchen she insists on helping me make coffee. I sit her up on the counter. Her job is to scoop the coffee, level it out, and dump it into the coffee filter. I count the number of scoops. Then we pour the water and watch it brew. She finds it all very interesting and she knows that Pa Paw loves his coffee. After making the coffee we sat at the kitchen table and each of us had a bowl of Cheerios. We were eating our cereal and talking. I then looked up and she was staring at me with her big blue eyes. With a smile that just melts me, she said, "I love you, Pa Paw"! It makes me very happy that she's able to express her feelings so freely. I hope she never loses that gift. I grew up in a family where the expression of feelings did not come easily. I have always wondered why most of us have a difficult time telling those who are closest to us how we feel about them and how we feel about what they say or do to us. Certainly some families are emotionally close and expressive about their feelings. Other families, though not lacking in love, have a very difficult time saying what they feel or don't feel. Sometimes I feel like I have recreated within my own family the kind of family that I grew up in. It was not intentional. Both families are loving but not what I would call warm and fuzzy. Even though I am a very emotional person it is not always easy for me to say what I feel. The way I express myself the best and most honestly is through the written word. That would be great if all my communication with people was done through letters and email. As individuals, we are what we are, and there are reasons we are the way we are. I do not always understand my own emotional needs, or the circumstances that caused them, but I am aware of their existence. There's one thing for sure. When Chloe is around, I never feel unloved. She tells me she loves me on a regular basis.

In the long tradition of her rock and roll Pa Paw, Chloe has tickets to go see the Doodlebops at the same theater where I am going to see Robert Plant and Alison Krauss. The Doodlebops are the Led Zeppelin of Chloe's generation. Rock on, Chloe!

Like many of you I work the typical five day a week, eight hour a day, 40 hour week kind of job. Most work nights I am weary and can do little but sit in my chair. At my age I can get away with that. During the 48 hours of the weekend, I often feel like I must cram all of my personal life and chores into two days. Monday morning arrives and I am exhausted from the weekend. I propose an additional two days off each week for real rest. These additional days off will need to be subtracted from the work week. So, how about we work Wednesday through Friday for our employers, we spend Saturday and Sunday completing personal business, and then take Monday and Tuesday for down time and rest. Of course, I still need to be paid my current annual salary and a little more would be nice. Would anyone out there support this proposal? Will you also take me in when I am fired for suggesting it?

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