Thursday, May 03, 2007

Am I Just Standing Still?

I have recently received emails from two former co-workers who no longer work for my company. My last memory of being together with both of them was sharing lunch during a past Derby week. Thinking of them makes me wonder about all the people who have been part of my life and then quietly moved on. Thinking of them sometimes makes me feel like I have spent my whole life standing still while everything and everybody moves around me. I have been a married family man for many years and have also worked for the same company a very long time. I believe I have always been dependable and reliable. I am a creature of habit and routine. When my alarm clock goes off in the morning, my mind and body go on automatic pilot and I sometimes robotically go through my day doing all the things I think I am supposed to do. Some days I am not sure I am even awake when I do them. I believe I have always been there for whoever needed me. I am sure many of you could say the same things. Do you have days when you wish you weren't so mature? Do you have days when you wish you could be more carefree and have less responsibility? Do you have days when you wish you were more adventurous and perhaps a little less cautious? Another one of my more annoying least to taking the path of least resistance. I wish I would take a direction more often that has no path and on which you can only make progress by hacking your way with a machete. I wish I took more risks. We are sometimes overly concerned with our security and this often causes us to play it safe. Safe is not always best. Of course, in my defense, and the defense of others like me, I have done many things and continue to do many things because people depend on me. Most of us do not totally own our own lives but I am not sure at what point taking back your own life is nothing more than selfishness. None of us are out of chances yet to be more adventurous or to take more risks but the clock is ticking. Are you standing still?

1 comment:

Greenwoman said...

As I read your post, I kept thinking of you as a silent supportive observer when you interact with others. I think that lots of times, people really need that in their lives...That's a gift you seem to be capable and good and giving.

But the remark that comes through me to you is that the deeper engagement that you crave lies outside the parameters of witness...and that when others need more than Witness you are left behind, because they now need a deeper engagement....and that perhaps you aren't showing them that something deeper is actually available from you.

That's just what came through as I read this....

I want to thank you for stopping by to say hello today. It was lovely to find a comment from you when I logged in. Blessings!!